Are you struggling to deal with a cheating partner or spouse? Are you just not able to get over this traumatic event and forgive your partner or move on with your life? Find out the best advice from the dating and relationship experts at Portland Singles when it comes to moving on after an act of infidelity in your relationship.
One of the most traumatic experiences a person can experience in their life is finding out that their partner cheated on them. The consequences can vary from rage, to despair, to depression lasting for many years. But as impossible as it might sound, even after such traumatic experiences, it is possible to pick up the pieces and forgive a betraying partner. So if you are looking for ways to forgive your cheating partner, Portland Singles has the answer for you.
Allow Yourself To Be Mad About It
Take time to completely mourn at the loss of trust you have experienced in your romantic relationship. Every serious relationship involves a large amount of investment in the form of time, effort, and emotion, and when you discover that you have been cheated on by your partner, it can feel like the ground has been pulled away from you. The first emotion you will feel will be anger, then despair, abandonment, and helplessness. Cry if you have to, and be as miserable as you want to be. The grieving process is extremely important for you to move onto the next stage of healing and eventually forgiving your cheating partner.
Think Before You Talk
After your partner has committed an affair, you're bound to have discussions about what happened and why. By all means, ask your partner any question you want about why the affair happened in the first place. Instead of coming to your partner with questions about whether they were better than you in bed, which will never reveal the right answer, ask your partner what made them stray from the relationship in the first place. Also, do not lash out on your partner and their lover. While your partner is admitting they cheated on you and apologizing for it, it might be tempting for you to launch an insult or make a sarcastic remark about it. But don't do it, because if you lose your temper, you will say things you might regret later down the road, explains Portland Singles. At the same time, never blame yourself for it. Always keep in mind that although there might have been some troubles in your relationship, you did not cause the affair to start. Difficult as these tips might seem to you, they are very important to do in order to move on, and in order to forgive your partner, explains PortlandSingles.
Create A Little Distance
If you have suffered infidelity, it is only normal for you to feel pain, anger, and resentment. You might even fantasize by making your partner jealous by hanging out with an attractive person of the opposite sex. Individuals who have experienced betrayal have been known to get intoxicated and make late night calls to their former lovers. In order not to commit such a childish mistake, handle the situation the mature way, and create a distance between you and your partner, at least for some time after it happens, explains Portland Singles. If it happens that your partner has become a serial cheater, then go on and proceed with separate living arrangements. Do not part ways with words like, "We can still be friends," or, "You can always count on me." These types of phrases will lead your partner to believe there is a chance of reconciling things. Rather, let your partner know that when you're ready, you'll be in touch with them, but not right now.
However, if this seems like too extreme of a step, especially if this is the first time your partner has cheated on you, create a little space between the two of you, even if you both live together. The idea of this space is to create an emotional and physical space between you and your partner, so you can think about what just happened and are able to make the right decisions for the future, explains Portland Singles.
Decide What You Want To Do
Use the time away to consider what you want to do in your relationship. Do you wish to forgive your partner and continue to be with them? Or, do you want to forgive them altogether and move on with your own life without them? Before you decide any action, think calmly and carefully about what your motives are. Is it because you are still in love with your partner and would like to fix everything that went wrong the first time around, or are you not able to break up because you don't want to hurt your ego? If you are married, would you want to forgive your cheating spouse solely because of financial reasons? You know one thing here, if your spouse has cheated on you, you have solid grounds for divorce now, and the law will even be by your side. However, many couples are able to put cheating behind them. So don't doubt that your relationship can still be repaired. But the only people who can decide to do that is you and your partner.
Think About What Went Wrong
Once you have decided to forgive your cheating partner and give your relationship another chance, think about everything that went wrong in the first place, suggests Portland Singles. What made your partner cheat? Did both of you fight over money issues? Was it because of a lack of sex? Or, did your in-laws have something to do with it? Was it because you neglected their feelings, or because your partner wanted you to become something you were not? In such cases, sometimes it's best to seek a marital therapist to get help in figuring out what the real issue was. Marital experts believe that before someone commits adultery, there are undying issues that made them head in that direction.
Get Professional Help
If you cannot seem to be able to forgive your partner for their infidelity, or get rid of hateful thoughts about your ex if you broke up with them, then it might be a good idea to seek professional help now. A therapist or counselor will be able to help you cope with your feelings of hurt and betrayal, explains Portland Singles, since you cannot do it on your own. More than the act of infidelity is all the lies that is more distressing for a partner that has been betrayed. The first step out of this mess is a return of honesty, followed by mutual commitment to put things behind. This can be done only if two people are able to put the infidelity behind them.